oh, and here's the river:

When I think about the cars my family had growing up, it's weird. I never think of the shitty Accord that I drove in high school. I don't think of the station wagons that carted around my 4 siblings and I. It always comes back to the 1987 Toyota Land Cruiser that my dad drove for 15 years or so.
It was in that truck that I spent the most time of any vehicle of my life. I saw it go from the new family truckster to the car that my siblings and I learned how to drive stick on, to the kids' shared vehicle, and then back to my dad as a work truck. In the end, it had survived 6 (questionable) drivers and over 600,000 miles. Some of my fondest memories took place in that truck, and I still smile when I see one on the road, which seems to have happened a lot more in Portland than anywhere else.
My dad loved that truck, and even more he loved that people were constantly leaving notes on the windshield asking if they could buy it from him. I had friends that would call me and say "I saw your dad driving in Swarthmore today". It was distinct and it was colorful and clearly said something about the person driving it. I can think of hundreds of drives made in that truck to Maryland. Thousands, even. I can think of sneaking out with my siblings in it. I can remember being forced to learn how to drive stick in it when I was 16 by my father. I miss that truck, and the people I often associate with it.
Yesterday, went off to nearby river for some swimming. It was a great time, but the entire ride there and back -in a startlingly similar model Land Cruiser (one year later, automatic transmission, same color and interior)- was one of the most surreal experiences I've had in a very long time. and as if to seal the feeling, there was a dog curled up next to me in the back seat. If it was a black lab, I could've taken pictures that would be virtually indistinguishable from ones I took 17 years ago. So of course I took a bunch of pictures.

Portland Classical Chinese Gardens

can you tell what my favorite part was?

okay, last one for a long ass time

awhile back, I was trying to look into good examples of dazzle camouflage.
Of course, Oobject did a much better job of it. My favorite, of course, is the war penguin.

Arrested Development movie is real?

Dear bears.
Thank you for making me laugh today. I hope this doesn't turn out to be some doctored photo of two little people in bear suits. Anyway, i really needed that. Keep up the tomfoolery.
-cotton

lockdown!

hey gang.
had to change the thing for a little while. I doubt there will be any sort of updates for awhile, but for now this is gonna be a super exclusive blog. not because i have any sort of new content on the way, but because I could either lock it or delete it, and I have to much stuff written to delete. So that's the thing. Hopefully, I'll have a computer soon to get some of this mess of a story i'm writing committed to disk.
anyway, hope everyone is okay.
with love,
cotton

4th of July: Fireworks, Gumballs
later:

Peninsula Park
Portland, OR

sorry I haven't updated this thing in so long. Not that I was planning regular updates, but having my computer stolen sort of made it tricky to check in often.
...and if you've learned anything from this blog, it's that without constant access to the internet, I'm pretty much useless.

there was a bunch of other crap stolen, too. Passport, credit cards, social security card, birth certificate... yeah. Pretty much anything one would need to steal my identity. Oh, and almost every picture I own.

So that happened.

Other than that, life continues despite my resistance. I'll try to post more, I promise, but I'm still dealing with a lot of stuff right now.

Have a great 4th, people. Celebrate with explosives and beer.
and punching out the first idiot you hear singing that stupid Lee Greenwood song.

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

"the Democratic National Committee will no longer accept contributions from federal lobbyists, will no longer take contributions from PACs"

I really don't think I can believe it. But hay, if you dicks can keep to your word I'll be impressed.
I'm thinking that "federal" might be a key term there. Also, I'd like to see the individual democratic politicians knock it off as well.

"Kick ass!"

holy shit

Another dead bird.

I'm running out of places to bury these guys at work.

Jack Handey was on the Sound of Young America recently, and listening to it this morning reminded me that he's pretty much the funniest person that ever lived (sorry, Bob Odenkirk). Anyway, I went through and read everything he's written for the New Yorker in the past couple years. Sometimes, when you're just in a shitty, morbid mood for awhile, reading something so supremely stupid/awesome can be the best thing in the world.

and I'm going to memorize this piece because it is the funniest thing I've ever read in my life.

Bo diddley R.I.P.

Bo Diddley dies at age 79

While he's been a household name (or at least was) for half a century, I still feel like the man's music is criminally overlooked when discussing the true pioneers of rock music. Just like Ike Turner's death was overshadowed by his less than stable personality and domestic battery, I feel like Bo's death will be more about his glasses, hat, and the fact that lots of more famous British musicians covered him. But if you get a chance, go through some of the man's music. It's always a treat, and though I thought I've posted "Roadrunner" here before, it would seem I haven't. He did make a mix, though, and frankly I'm a little disappointed that I never got around to posting more of him. I guess that's because I stopped posting music like years ago.

The man was a giant, and I hope that his influence will continue to be felt for a long time to come.

Anyway, it's a damn shame, and I'm sorry to see him go.

George Bush Buys Lesbians Baby

http://www.howispentmystimulus.com/posts/view/833

oh, the hours I could waste on that site right now...
but really, this brought a smile to my face. Thanks, Dub!

also, this dude = AWESOME. Actually, not really. but I'm still laughing at the picture.

IMDB tags for Battle Royale II:

• Returning Character Killed Off
• Shot In The Forehead
• Mine Field
• Tunnel
• Rocket Launcher
• Dead Child
• Bloody Violence
• EMP
• Missile
• Candle
• Revenge
• Helicopter
• Stabbed In The Chest
• Shot To Death
• Ammunition
• Crushed To Death
• Explosion
• Exploding Body
• Beach
• Pistol
• Cigarette
• Shot In The Shoulder
• Teen
• Suicide
• Impalement
• Blood Splatter
• Parachute
• Loss Of Loved One
• Torch
• Head Blown Off
• Blood
• Child Uses Gun
• Gore
• Grenade
• Dying Words
• Extreme Violence
• Japan
• Grenade Launcher
• Death
• Loss Of Friend
• Shot In The Head
• Shot In The Chest
• Christmas
• Foot Blown Off
• Pyre
• Bloody Body Of Child
• Friendship
• Child In Peril
• Afghanistan
• Shot In The Arm
• Severed Leg
• Self Sacrifice
• Knife Throwing
• Sequel
• Teenkill
• Terrorist Group
• Island
• Murder
• Violence
• Terrorist
• Unrequited Love
• Tragedy
• Megalomanical
• Dark Heroine
• Megalomania
• Dystopian
• Diabolical
• Tragic Villain
• Illuminati
• Death Of Child

wow. That list is probably better than watching the movie. Or at least the weird 9/11 references in there...

The Decimation of Postville, IA

Harsh Sentences for Immigrant Workers Jailed in Iowa Crackdown

In Iowa, 270 undocumented workers have been sentenced to five months in prison. The workers were arrested earlier this month in an immigration raid on a meatpacking plant. It was described as the largest single immigration raid in US history. More than ten percent of the town of Postville, Iowa were put behind bars. Attorneys for the workers accused the government of violating due process rights by barring meetings with their clients and ignoring immigration laws. The hearings took place at a fairgrounds usually used for exhibiting cattle where the workers were held. Only a small number of the workers were found to have criminal records.

No charges have been filed against the owners of the meatpacking plant, Agriprocessors.

The morbid tale of the passenger pigeon

this was something I was saving for a project I'm working on, but it sort of mutated another way and I'm still stuck here thinking about the extinct bird.

Over the course of the 19th century, the passenger pigeon went from being the most abundant bird in North America to extinction. They were mostly sold as food (slaves and poor people didn't eat many other kinds of meat at the time). They were reported as having blackened the sky with their migrating numbers, and their populations made them easy game for killing:

One method of killing was to blind a single bird by sewing its eyes shut using a needle and thread. This bird's feet would be attached to a circular stool at the end of a stick that could be raised five or six feet in the air, then dropped back to the ground. As the bird attempted to land, it would flutter its wings, thus attracting the attention of other birds flying overhead. When the flock landed near this decoy bird, nets would trap the birds and the hunters would crush their heads between their thumb and forefinger. This has been claimed as the origin of the term stool pigeon, though this etymology is disputed.

One of the last large nestings of passenger pigeons was at Petoskey, Michigan, in 1878. Here 50,000 birds were killed each day and the hunt continued for nearly five months. When the adult birds that survived the slaughter attempted second nestings at new sites, they were located by the professional hunters and killed before they had a chance to raise any young. In 1896, the final flock of 250,000 were killed by American sportsmen knowing that it was the last flock of that size.

I should point out that the passenger pigeon looked frighteningly similar to the mourning dove, which might be my most hated of birds. and granted, I'm sure that the passenger pigeon wasn't exactly the smartest of birds, but still. That shit there is just cold.

more info on the passenger pigeon here and here.

Yeah. Sorry, I know it's not exactly day-brightening news, but I figure it'd be nice to post something, and aside from my completely inappropriate story of how I first heard the Velvet Underground, this was the only thing I had handy.


Overheard in Philly is always a great source of entertainment, or at least distraction. But this cracked me up in middle of the night last night. It was honestly the hardest I'd laughed since who knows when. So I thought I'd share it with you. Maybe that'll help wipe the thought of billions of squished pigeons from your mind. or hey, maybe that's a good thing in your mind, I don't know. I'm not the mind police.

There's nothing like getting a large group of 1st graders ready to go on a field trip and noticing that not 15 feet away are two bottles of over-the-counter sexual stimulation pills.

That were completely empty.
ewwwww.

also, if you had told me when I woke up this morning that a turtle would pee on me, I'd have called you a liar. a damned liar.

you'll notice that I'm still not posting much. I've got a somewhat explicit telling of the first time I ever heard the Velvet Underground that I'm working on, and I'm pretty sure that there's a bunch of pictures that I'll be sending in soon, but don't expect me to offer too much here (for a while) or to expound on why (ever).

Bush to War Widows: "I Feel Your Pain"

Bush says gave up golf in solidarity with Iraq dead
I had to check three sites to make sure this wasn't an Onion article that got taken seriously.
holy.
shit.

I'd say that life has officially become a parody of itself, but then I'm pretty sure that most of Asia would disagree.

Duane Benzie!

While I'm rappin' TV, it's worth noting that Spaced is finally getting released on Region 1 DVD. I've passed (and been passed) copies of this series from all over the country and I can honestly say I've got no qualms about buying it for a third time when it comes out. Excellent.

some more details here.
(PS I know I say this a lot, but can Judd Apatow shut up already?)

I can promise you 2 things about this.
-The Patton Oswalt Commentary will make at least 2 dozen references that will be too nerdy even for me.
-I will never listen to the Tarentino commentary. or any of the other commentaries, excepting perhaps Bill Hader's. I will still have no idea who Diablo Cody is by the time I see this.

I should mention that I've been watching a lot of Firefly on Hulu lately.

I'm not one of those crazy Joss Whedon people. I've seen maybe an episode of Buffy. I've never seen any of the spinoff show(s?).
But I've got a huge soft spot for that show. and by extension Nathan Fillion. Who is awesome.
(it still has one of the worst theme songs in history, but hell, I can skip that).

So that's what I've been up to.

Also, watching Battlestar Galactica. (sigh). The original one.
more to come on that later. I still think it's the zenith of bad 70s Star Wars-inspired bad sci-fi, but I'm also growing to like it at an alarming clip. What can I say, everyone there has hockey hair and afros. Do you have any idea how refreshing it is to see those in space where they belong?
Also, Jane Seymour.

and the Dirk "guy who played Face on the A-Team!" Benedict. Templeton Peck!


and some furry robot dog thing that sorta makes me want to kill. I wonder if he'll ever prove useful. 6 episodes in I got nothing.

Still not updating regularly. But here, play with this for awhile.
(I've spent countless hours there already)

From the Dept. of Things That Won't Change in November

Domestic Spying Far Outpaces Terrorism Prosecutions

I wonder if everyone is still secure in the belief that they've got nothing to hide.

The last bobcat we had at the garden was hit and killed by a car. I was pretty sad over it.
Today I saw this sexy little guy running around. Oh happy day.

Cotton's Adventures in Walking to Work

or, "let's not talk about it"

It's a rainy day, and I don't often get a chance to appreciate that. So here's some stuff.

No comments on the elections, no comments on Burmese cyclones, no comments on me, no comments on the recently released photos documenting the immediate aftermath of our attack on Hiroshima (caution: those pictures are very serious and very explicit. and will probably make you want to scratch your own eyes out with a rusty darning needle. really).

Just some crap I saw walking to work.

Maybe later I'll come up with something more... substantial. but maybe not.

SNAIL! I came very close to stepping on this guy, then moved him into the grass

I call this one "Banana somehow Stuck to Stop Sign"

The Lantana by Sycamore elementary, my favorite plant in town. It finally started blooming again a few weeks ago and as you can see, it's coming along nicely.

soundtrack this morning: Bob Dylan John Wesley Harding

Dear Common

STOP.

Seriously. I really complained when you were doing those Gap commercials, but now with these Lincoln ads and T4... jesus, man.

someone name me a rapper that I loved in 1998 that I still have great respect for. Seriously. Oh, and they can't be dead.

you don't have to be hard. you don't have to rhyme about guns. you can do ads, I really don't care.

but for Lincoln? and T4?

I have great fear that there is a Mos Def/Common acting school on the horizon.

bang up job, Yemen

ADEN, Yemen -- Almost eight years after al-Qaeda nearly sank the USS Cole with an explosives-stuffed motorboat, killing 17 sailors, all the defendants convicted in the attack have escaped from prison or been freed by Yemeni officials.

Bird Update: I don't know anything. The little guy was taken to an animal hospital and the person that took him is out for another week. My guess is they probably put him down. I mean, he had a broken wing. I don't know, though. I'll give some updates when I got 'em.

I'm completely out of the loop on everything. Apparently Jean Grae quit Hip-Hop. I'm hoping this is a Jigga-type situation more than anything, but who knows? She's certainly had her share of raw deals.

I don't really got much else for you today. I'm too tired of politics to even think about it, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around how we're bombing Somalia now (is this not in the news? how am I just getting to this now? How long before we're bombing Deerfield, Indiana for al-Quaeda? How is this still happening? How does anyone think this shit will possibly stop in November? who am I talking to?)

This little bird just literally fell out of the sky and lay broken on the concrete 2 feet from where i was standing. We made a fake nest for him, but it's not looking good.

Not a great day so far.

I promise this isn't going to turn into pictures of dying animals.

Is this not the lowest rent halloween costume you've ever seen?

seriously, as bad a person I think I am sometimes, I'm SHOCKED I'm not a complete psychopath (ha)

There's... a lot going on right now. I'll leave it at that.
I'm not going anywhere, but expect sporadic posting at best. Just a heads up.

in the meantime, your wikipedia moment:
SONGS THAT MENTION WHIPPOORWILLS:

• "Alone and Forsaken" by Hank Williams
• "As Above, So Below" by the Klaxons
• "Back Where I Belong" by Darryl Worley
• "Blue Valley Songbird" by Dolly Parton
• "Birth of the Blues" by Frank Sinatra
• "Cry of the Whippoorwill" by Rhonda Vincent
• "Daniel and The Sacred Harp" by The Band
• "Deeper than the Holler" by Randy Travis
• "Does That Wind Still Blow in Oklahoma?" by Reba McEntire and Ronnie Dunn
• "Everybody Ought to Have a Maid" from the musical A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
• "Gus: The Polar Bear from Central Park" by The Tragically Hip
• "Hotter Than Mojave In My Heart" by Iris DeMent
• "If the World Had a Front Porch" by Tracy Lawrence
• "I Got a Name" by Jim Croce
• "I'll Tell the Man in the Street" from the musical "I Married an Angel"
• "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" by Hank Williams
• "Magnolia" by J J Cale
• "Midnight in Montgomery" by Alan Jackson
• "My Blue Heaven" recorded by Fats Domino, Smashing Pumpkins and others
• "Philadelphia Freedom" by Elton John
• "Sad Song" by Cat Power
• "Sad, Sad Song" by M Ward
• "Songs About Texas" by Pat Green
• "So Says the Whippoorwill" by Richard Shindell
• "Speed of the Whippoorwill" by Chatham County Line
• "Tammy" recorded by Debbie Reynolds and others
• "That Sunday, That Summer" recorded by Nat King Cole and others
• Title track of the album The Stage Names by Okkervil River
• "The First Whippoorwill" by Bill Monroe
• "The Whippoorwill" by Keely Smith
• "Where The Whipoorwill [sic] Is Whispering Goodnight" by Charlie Poole
• "Whippoorwill" by Doug Burr
• "Whippoorwill" by Ozark Mountain Daredevils
• "Whip-Poor-Will" by Magnolia Electric Co.

OrangeCounty Swap Meet

I swear i don't get this place.the world's largest golf cart (limo).

So, I want to talk about this Hillary ad, which is absolutely appalling. Whether or not she's my candidate (and I've probably been pretty clear that she's not, but moving on), that's some pretty appalling campaigning for a primary. Especially one that you cannot statistically win. Really, all you're doing is just throwing rocks. Stop it. Grow the fuck up. Try campaigning on your own strengths like you swear to be doing. Fire more of your team or something.

But I thought it was interesting the way it ended with "Harry Truman said it best – if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen."

Does this mean... Does this mean that we want Hillary in the kitchen?

There wasn't a better quote to use there? Maybe I'm working in the wrong sector.

5% of precincts reporting

and 1,600 votes for Huckabee have been counted.


(can the Amish vote?)

One of the things about being away for a week is that you come back with scads of shit to catch up on. Work looked like a conspiracy theorist had been sleeping in my office. Podcasts accumulated on my computer, and I'm listening to week-old updates about TV and other stuff that I have convinced myself I care about. And reading through the news is just gutshot after gutshot.
I'm not going to get into it (aside from the post I'll make in 2 seconds about this fucking Hillary ad), but it's worth drawing your attention to this article in the Times about the abysmal state of our public education system:

Ignorance in the United States is not just bliss, it’s widespread. A recent survey of teenagers by the education advocacy group Common Core found that a quarter could not identify Adolf Hitler, a third did not know that the Bill of Rights guaranteed freedom of speech and religion, and fewer than half knew that the Civil War took place between 1850 and 1900.

Years from now we'll be sitting around recounting the glory days of America and her once proud stature of the leader of the free world. Invariably, some fuckface will blame the GOP or the Demmycrats. They'll talk about how it was the wars or it was not stopping the outsourcing of labor or it was John Kerry's giant stupid face. But nobody's going to point out that it's the fact that our kids can barely fucking read and would stab each other in the face for Hannah Montana tickets while we're all sitting here feigning outrage over bullshit minutia. Read the article, please.

Q: What sucks more than watching hockey on a shitty TV?

A: Listening to it quietly in your office.

(sigh).

Also, before you ask, YES, I watched the Sixers game. Yes, I drank a lot of beer while I did it. and YES, it was AWESOME.

So, in the past week I've pretty much been occupying myself by working like an insane person and not sleeping for 5 days, then sleeping for 2 straight. It wasn't so bad.

But it also means I haven't had the time to post here lately. Which is probably a good thing since I might be going crazy.

I finally got back around to cleaning up that thing I wrote what seems like ages ago and sent it out. If you wanted it and didn't get it, holler and I'll send it.

In other news, today is the PA primary. and while I can't be so delusional as to think this will end the frothing-at-the-mouth of the political beast these past few months (years?), at least it's rounding a corner.

Now if you'll excuse me, I haven't read a news article in a week, and I haven't gotten a chance to do most of my day-to-day job stuff. But I'll be back later today.

Hi, remember me?

I'm busy as all holy hell right now (no, I WISH I was an accountant. Steady work like that...) but I'm hoping to get that thing I wrote ages ago cleaned up and sent out tonight. Also, I've got some days off next week so I'll be hopefully writing through my nights as well. The point, though, is that I've got a lot of projects I'm working on, and probably less than a few will ever see light. But I'm working on them.

I post this twice a year, right?

In the meantime, though, I'm staying the hell away from this election until next week. I just...can't find it in me to think about this stuff on top of work and other crap. But I will say that "bittergate" is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. MORATORIUM ON ADDING -GATE TO THINGS PLEASE.

this is not a scandal. for fuck's sake, stop trying to make us think it is one.

In the meantime, I just occupied myself with this (while looking for the "original lyrics" to the Eagles Fight Song:

Fan enthusiasm and misbehavior

Eagles fans' devotion to their team is reflected by ticket sales: games are invariably sold out, and the waiting list for season tickets numbers 60,000.In June 2006, tickets for home games were sold out in a matter of minutes after phone and internet lines opened. Despite finishing with a 6-10 record in the 2005-2006 season, the Eagles ranked second in the NFL in merchandise sales the following year.

Eagles fans have become notorious in the NFL for their enthusiasm, knowledge and team loyalty, and sometimes also for their bad behavior. Eagles' fans enthusiastically embrace hard-edged, dedicated play, but they have also turned quickly against teams perceived as lacking a sufficient commitment to winning.

The most infamous example was the "Santa Claus Incident," on December 15, 1968, at Franklin Field, in which angry fans, upset at the conclusion of yet another failed season under head coach Joe Kuharich (including first losing 11 games, then winning 2, which prevented the team from getting first pick in the next draft, O.J. Simpson), booed and threw snowballs at a man dressed as Santa Claus during the halftime show.

Frank Olivo, a 20-year-old fan dressed as Santa Claus who had been drafted from the stands as an ad hoc replacement for the scheduled Christmas pageant, was the target of the crowd's anger. As Olivo recounts, fans threw snowballs at him after he reached the end zone, shouting that he made a poor Santa. Olivo was interviewed years later by NFL Films, recalling the incident with a smile, saying that he thought the whole thing was humorous.

Other high-profile examples of fan misbehavior include:

• At a December 10, 1989 game dubbed "Bounty Bowl II" against the Dallas Cowboys, the city failed to clear the stadium following a snowstorm. Fans threw snowballs, batteries, beer, and other larger objects onto the field, pelting Cowboys players and coaching staff, NFL officials, and one another. Future Mayor of Philadelphia and current Pennsylvania Governor Edward Rendell got caught up in the fallout from that game when he admitted to a reporter that he had bet another fan $20 that he couldn't reach the field with a snowball. (It can be seen from the videotape that Dallas Cowboys' head coach Jimmy Johnson was, in fact, pelted in the head with a snowball.) As a result, the team added security and banned beer sales for their last remaining home game of the regular season.

• During a November 10, 1997, Monday Night Football game against the San Francisco 49ers, the Eagles fans, in a 24-12 loss, infuriated by a number of calls by the officials and poor play by the Eagles, engaged in a number of highly visible, large-scale brawls on national television. In the last quarter, one fan fired a flare gun across the stadium into empty seats in the 700 level. Other incidents that evening included a woman flashing from the luxury suites and a man operating a chainsaw in the parking lot. Shortly thereafter, the infamous Veterans Stadium courtroom was established.^[9]

• A contingent of Eagles fans traveled to the 1999 NFL Draft in New York to jeer the Eagles' selection of anyone other than Heisman Trophy-winning running back Ricky Williams. Local radio hosts, notably Angelo Cataldi of 610 WIP (AM), had recruited thirty boorishly behaving fans, self-styled as the "Dirty Thirty", to protest the selection of quarterback Donovan McNabb. McNabb has since become a successful sports figure, while Williams has had numerous off-field problems, hampering his career. This has led to criticism of the "Dirty Thirty" and their radio-host instigators.

• In a October 10, 1999 game against division rival Dallas Cowboys, Cowboys wide receiver Michael Irvin was knocked unconscious when his head hit the Vet's hard artificial-turf-covered cement field after a catch. As Irvin lay immobile on the turf, some Eagles fans cheered. Irvin was later diagnosed with a career-ending broken neck. In that game, the Eagles rallied from a 10-0 deficit to gain their first victory of the season, 13-10.^[10]

Acts of violence by Eagles fans against fans of visiting teams, combined with ongoing difficulties with public drunkenness, prompted Philadelphia municipal judge Seamus McCaffrey and the Philadelphia Police Department to establish a small courtroom inside the Vet in 1997. Additionally, plainclothes officers dressed in the colors of the visiting team were assigned to sit in sections (mostly in the Vet's notorious "700 Level" upperdeck) known as being dangerous to opposing fans. By 1999, incidents of fan misbehavior had diminished to the point that the courtroom was no longer needed.

AWESOME.

SEPTA sign

Harolding = revenue?

There's an interesting article in the Inquirer today about Laurel Hill cemetery and how the upkeep costs have them considering the idea of renovating the site as a "heritage park" (i.e. tourist attraction). It's an interesting concept, and certainly one that has worked in other areas (as listed in the article), but it still has me a little baffled as to whether or not I like this idea.
I've spent a lot of time in cemeteries. Not Harold levels, but enough to know a few. I've been lucky enough to live down the road from one of the most beautiful cemeteries on earth, and I've been lucky enough to live near cemeteries that are almost disappeared from neglect. I'm not sure I've never been able to decide if I have a preference.

The grand drama of a place like Bonaventure, or the hundreds of Civil War cemeteries or the U.S. National Cemetery is something that is hard to compete with. The sweeping landscape, the mossy graves and intermingling of traditions that seem to spread across the apparently-still-applicable boundaries of race, class, and religious creed. It's something that makes you feel proud of the way we can celebrate our dead.

and then there's those cemeteries that you might visit just to see a particular resident in. There's Cimetière du Père Lachaise in Paris, where idiots trample over the graves of people like Oscar Wilde, Édith Piaf, and Frederic Chopin to get a glimpse of one of the most absurd and ridiculous people that ever fronted a rock band (which has to be pretty high up there, right?). There's a place like King David Memorial Park in Bensalem, in which Nancy Spungen (and Sid Vicious' ashes) reside*. These almost always make me depressed, since I focus on the graves that people have clearly walked over to get to one particular grave. Guh.

But I think my favorites have always been the ones which I never learned the name of. The ones which stopped expanding a long time ago and you're lucky if you can even see the stones from the road. those are the graves I want to see. The forlorn rocks of the long-forgotten. I don't give a shit about a crypt. Statues and monuments can be beautiful, but they usually just make me think of a phallic symbol of the afterlife or something.

But seeing a kicked over, neglected stone? I get curious. The one you actually gotta squat and sometimes have to brush off in order to read the name and dates and maybe an inscription. I guess I just feel bad for them so I stop for a minute and sound the names out to myself.
So that the man, woman, or child in that box gets at least another glimmer of recognition. or something. I guess I'm a sucker for the people that get screwed by graveyards.


All I know is that if I had Civil War reenactors hanging around my grave I'd be sorta pissed.
*I'm not gonna get into my feelings about these two again.

John Kerry, like many members of congress, is a war-profiteering douchebag.

Philly-bred (and Episcopal Academy alumnus) dicknose John Yoo is in yet a little more hot water.

and while it's been debunked, the naked-lady-in-Cheney's sunglasses thing is pretty funny.

PEDAL-POWERED ROLLER COASTER!

The 1970's CEO earned 40 times the salary of the average worker, the CEO of the early 2000's made 170 times the paycheck of the average worker. Or much more, depending on the study one consults and the way a paycheck is defined.

-John McCain is concerned about CEO salaries.

So I lost my sunglasses a week or two ago. Which in Southern California is pretty much like losing the roof to your home. I've managed so far, but as summer creaks into sight, I'm faced with the option of spending a lot of time in traffic being blinded.

I had them for just shy of 2 years. Which is probably 18 months longer than I've had any other pair of sunglasses in my entire life. But they're easily the nicest pair I've ever owned, too. I've always been more of an "I bought them in a truck stop" guy.

I don't think I ever owned a pair until after college. I certainly never bought a pair.

at some point after the whole thing with my eye happened, I decided that wearing sunglasses was cheating. That it was now who I was and to hide that is only to hide who I am.

I have never once claimed to be very smart.

So yeah. But after some point, you get tired of hearing about all of the eye cancer and you think "hey, those UV rays might be harmful." at least that's what I did. So I bought sunglasses.

Now they're gone, lost on historic route 66 without a care.

and now I find myself missing my shades. The odds of my having ones that nice ever again are slim to none.
No shades, no cable.

if I have a beard next week, hunt me down like a dog.

I haven't shaved in 10 days, so this is likely.

anyway, I miss my sunglasses, and now I have to figure out if there's a different kind I should be looking into, or if I want them at all. Because, you know, driving is overrated.

Classic Photographs recreated in Lego

Pretty much the greatest thing EVER.

(via Geekadelphia)

The census is fucked.

(sigh)

Some Crust Bakery: Stuff of the Gods

Desmond Tutu is one of my favorite people on this planet.

He is many things I will never be, but has many qualities about him that I could only hope to attain in life.

That is all.

Slightly fictionalized accounts of real conversations in my life.

I enter the corner store down the street, totally covered in sweat and out of breath. The girl behind the counter looks at me as I thunk some beer on the counter.

Girl: Are you okay?
Me: (huffing): Yeah... I'm fine. I just ran home from work.
Girl: in that? (indicates my wool sweater, jeans)
Me: Yup.
Girl: Are you... late for something?
Me: Nope. Just... running.
Girl: You should get like a running outfit. It's a lot easier.
Me: Pffft. What's the point in that? What are the odds of someone chasing me while I'm sitting around wearing dinky shorts?
Girl: What?
Me: I'm gonna run in the clothes I usually wear. If I get chased around in one of those little outfits, I'd be better off letting them overtake me and murder me.
Girl: Do you get chased by murderers a lot?
Me: No, but I'm one small step towards being prepared when I am.
Girl: There's other reasons to run, you know.
Me: Listen lady, I'm not chasing anyone. I don't murder. You must be thinking of someone else.
Girl: No, like getting in shape?
Me: Now you're just being naive.


not exactly how it went, but it would've been a lot funnier if it was.
oh, also I was carrying a giant thermos.

More police blotter hilarity

A samurai sword attacker serving an 11-year prison sentence wants to be your friend.

I feel like I've been doggin' it over here lately. Things are just insane at work and I've got a lot on the side burners. so I send a lot of ridiculous pictures.

The news this morning is all over the place, none of it particularly uplifting.
Baghdad is still on fire, Hillary might have gone insane (Mark Penn is retarded, by the way), people are still racist, Blackwater's contract extended, John Kerry is still talking. Dylan is a thief,
the KBR/Halliburton rape issue remains.

the last link is particularly devastating. I've been following this story for some time and while it's good to see that more people are hearing about how awful this is (albeit at a rate that's too slow), sweet fuckall seems to have been done about it. I'm hoping that some headway is made on this (Hey Biden, we love your zingers, but hold these fuckers accountable, PLEASE). It's up to these people to make this count.

So yeah, now that you're as depressed as me, here's a pretty hilarious news story.

I'll be back later with something less soul crushing, I swear.

NOTE: NEVER GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH "DEAD CAT" AGAIN. EVER.

The incorrect mail i get.

Stare Wars

Lying in an opposing sunbeam, he had a staring contest with the cat. He was beaten soundly.

I'm sitting in bed reading my weekly stack of comic books and listening to Langhorne Slim. If I could somehow get a cup of coffee to walk over here, I'll be a happy man.

update on last night's post. I'm going to allow myself 1 Hour to clean it up and try to shave down some of the warts on there, but that's all I'm giving myself so maybe I'll get to it tonight. We'll see. For now, back to my awesome morning.

It started as an experiment.

to stay up all night and force myself to write something. It's basically a thread in a much larger story, but I sat in front of the computer 8 hours ago with the intent of writing a love story. and that's all I had to work with until about midnight.
So it's pretty on the fly and I'm sure it's riddled with typos, but I'm considering posting it here. or maybe send it to anyone that wants to read it. I dunno, we'll see what I think when I've had sleep and all that.But for now it's to bed with me.

Underoos in the parking lot

Yikes. I can't think of a single reason this is a good thing.

Is "good listener" a job skill?
man, I wish it was.

I wonder if that'd help me after the zombocalypse and we have no technology.

"Zombie Therapist" is a job I should totally get behind.

Also, I am now an unstoppable juggernaut of health.
fear me.

Next week, a study will find that the sound of the sound of Donald Pleasance's voice gives people rectal cancer and I'm gonna be PISSED.

Your Weirdly Entertaining Album Cover of the Day

Hey stupid, beatniks smoke. You're not gonna smoke, you gotta stand over there and look at us forlornly. Next time don't be such a square.

I dropped the cable box off yesterday. We've been without cable for 10 days, and thus able only to watch network and furniture commercials in Spanish. and the documentary about Alzheimer's that I'm staring at wide eyed in fear.
It's like a mix of terror and sadness being pumped through a feeding tube.
oh god.
I can't even keep the sound on. The sound of traffic and my clicking and clacking fill the apartment.
This is not very typical of me. normally I go as so far out of my way as possible in order to avoid something like this.
and yet.
here I am.
"cotton, why don't you turn it off. Read a book! write something. Join a softball league with lax expectations."
shut up.* I'm watching this horrific program until I feel the urge to go on a severely misguided mercy killing spree, and then I'm going to have a glass of milk and go to bed.
oh man this is painful.
Anyway, my major concern with this is that I become one of those dinks that talk about how they don't watch TV. I still watch TV. It's just a pain in the ass now. Anyway, I hope this is the last you hear about it.


after writing through most of last night.
and planning on writing through all of tomorrow night.
I stared at the screen for a half hour and then gave up to pet the cat and close my eyes. Then dinner. Then the Thai place, now I'm back here and too tired to do anything but sit here and tell myself I need to sleep.
Which I'm doing now.

What skill(s) do you have that would be helpful if suddenly electronic technology as we know it were rendered completely us

I thought I'd have an answer by now for this and I don't. I'm nowhere close to one. which certainly makes me wonder how I would've enjoyed the 7 or 8 minutes I'd survived in an era before the industrial revolution.

Bill Macy: Okay in my book

Just thinking about that scene in Fargo where William H. Macy sees that his proposed scheme to kidnap his own wife starts turning to dust before his eyes, and as he starts scraping the ice off his windshield he just loses his shit. He starts slamming his ice scraper against his car. He's crying and sniveling and the fact that he's wearing a super fat movement-restricting coat only makes him seem even more pathetic. If only the Coens had clipped mittens to those triple-fat sleeves.
I can't even picture the word I'd use to describe it, though the best might be a complete hissyfit. I want to say that in the end he just crumples to his knees in the snowy parking lot, but to be honest I can't remember. It's been a long time since I've seen that movie, and for the most part I remember that scene, Steve Buscemi getting whipped on the ass in Brainerd*, and the guy who later went on to play the homicidal maniac in Carnivale carving ducks...
But my point is it's a scene with pretty much no dialogue, set outdoors in a snowstorm. and it remains one of the most powerful things I've ever seen in a movie. I think because it was such an intimate moment for the character that it felt almost pornographic (the non-erotic definition, thanks) to be watching it.
I can't spot an actor for shit. Sure, I can tell bad acting when I see it, but when it comes to the difference between good acting and great acting, I'm pretty much useless. This is the point where good acting and good writing are easy to mix up. or good storytelling. or good makeup.
and I think that this is something that pretty much everyone else does to a larger degree than they'd admit or realize. But when I think of good acting, I think of scenes like this. Just the normal guy who's slightly cracked, having a moment. I think it's easy to act great when you've got the movie on your side. My eighth grade retainer could've won the Oscar for Gladiator (which wasn't even the best Ridley Scott OR gladiator movie ever). Remember how terrible Joaquin Phoenix was in that, though?
When you find yourself empathizing with a man who volunteered his wife for kidnapping, though, someone's doing their goddamn job. and this breaks me up even more when I look it up and find out that he lost that year to Cuba Gooding Jr. I wonder who from the MPAA would ever admit to casting that vote.
and thinking about it now, Macy had a pretty similar scene in Magnolia**, and while he could've pretty much done the same thing there, he managed to make it a completely different scene. so good for him.
So I'd just like to raise a glass to Bill Macy, the best damn supporting actor in town. Give him the damned statue already. I'll always forgive his Jurassic Park IIIs and his Reversible Errors for his wiser moves, Like Fargo and State & Main, and House of Games. In another 20 years I'll be able to forgive you for Road Hogs.
Appearances in The Last Dragon, Happy, Texas, and the upcoming House of the Re-Animator(!) are too damned mind blowing to consider here. Though I will state that Macy/Wendt is a better presidential team than any I've heard since... EVER.

Notice that I only link to films I like, now. Call it selective linking. or just say I'm lazy, I don't care.

*I still have a mug from Brainerd that I bought just because of the association with that movie.
**the third most overrated movie of all time

Slightly better day so far. I'm feeling like a slightly less hammered sack of shit, for what that's worth. I guess we'll see how much gets thrown at me today. I should've come in to work this morning with a dart in my head and shaking bullets out of my clothes.

Also, it's raining so I feel it's a little more excused.

I got some work done on something that will hopefully take some of my attention from here, or at least it will tomorrow night.

So I'm going to listen to the first Jayhawks album and dive headfirst into the maelstrom of paperwork on my desk right now.

I should probably point out:

that I hate. this. fucking. day.

It's never been a favorite of mine, and this one in particular has been embarrassingly awful. Why is it these shitty fake holidays get to me so much? Maybe it's just my subconsciously resisting being told what to feel.
If I'm supposed to be feeling romantic, I swear lifelong hatred for the city of Anaheim and get drunk.
If I'm supposed to feel Irish I go to the Mexican joint.
If I'm supposed to be feeling silly, I actively want to smash both of my office computers, Southern California Edison, the guys that brought me Knocked Up, the internet, Kimmy Gibbler, several restricted blackout dates, the Indian Ocean, Sir Bernard Fitzalan-Howard the 16th Duke of Norfolk, Christopher McDonald for some reason, and a Time Warner Cable office.
oh, and my phone. Oh, how I want to smash my phone right now. I sort of already did.
Arbor Day is coming up* and there's lively odds that I will burn down a rainforest and on Flag Day.... oh, Flag Day. Those veterans will never speak to me again.

*Not the one that California made up for itself. Don't start me up on that right now.

Springsteen once sang that sometimes he just wants to explode, to take a knife and cut the pain from his heart. Sometimes I just want to go to Lowe's, get my keys sharpened, and jam them into the side of my neck. Everything's relative I guess.

Hope yours is better than mine.

Mt. T Brings Boy Out of Coma

Police arrest anti-war protester, 80, at mall

An 80-year-old church deacon was removed from the Smith Haven Mall yesterday in a wheelchair and arrested by police for refusing to remove a T-shirt protesting the Iraq War.

Sadly, this is not an April Fool's prank.

Tonight, filling out an application for a part time job:

list 3 references and their occupations. Mine were:
producer, professional rock guitarist, and unemployed*
it's so awesome. Like Russian Roulette on my cell phone contacts. If you're reading this, there's a good chance you might be next.
(to be fair, these are all legitimate claims and phone numbers).

Also, on my qualities of an ideal worker, I put:
friendly, helpful, not trying to set you on fire.

I know I should take it more seriously, but it's not really anything where I feel like I need to make an impression.




thinking about this today: What skill(s) do you have that would be helpful if suddenly electronic technology as we know it were rendered completely useless?

More on this later.