My Open letter to the staff at 88.5 WXPN

So, there's a post coming later complaining about the fifth birthday of the ipod and the resumption of our nuclear stockpile, but since you guys have been listening to me whine about this for the past week, here's the email I just sent. Yes, I made those typos.

Hey Guys,

I’m sure that by now you’re both plenty sick of getting disgruntled emails concerning this greatest artists list that you’ve been curating, and I don’t really want to add to the pile, but I would also like to praise you for recent additions and modifications to your playlist as well, so it’s not all bad. I’m so happy you’ve been playing artists like TV on the Radio and The Hold Steady recently (these are both artists I suggested a while back that would fit the station’s format in a focus group thing). It’s great to see that these bands arew getting some much deserved airplay. There’s so many artists out there that could really benefit your station, like Grizzly Bear, Hello Saferide, The Books, Prefuse 73, Page France, Beirut, Hanne Hukkelberg, Man Man, Jarvis Cocker, etc… I mean the list could go on and on (I’m listing the more acoustic-y and folkish bands because I think they’d tend to do better with your average listener, but I’d kick myself if I didn’t state that The Thermals have just released what might be the greatest album of the year as well). Bruce, I frequent your blog and I can only assume, Roger, that you also have a far more diverse musical palate than the station would reveal. I just want to thank you both for what can only hope is your influence on the content of the station lately, it’s made my workplace a lot more entertaining as of late.

Now, concerning the best artists, I’m more than aware that neither you two nor anyone at the station have any more to do with the order of this list than I do, but at last count, and assuming I can correctly predict the rest of the list, there are one and a half black artists included in the top 20 so-called greatest artists of all time. I suppose that if I counted the Big Man and the rest of the Wailers, there would be four and a half black musicians, but you’re crazy if you think I’m going to count Billy Preston as a Beatle (or Stone). Or David Sancious, for that matter. I guess it wouldn’t bother me so much of so many of these artists weren’t completely indebted to black artists if not ripping them off wholesale. Van Morrison, Led Zeppelin and Eric Clapton outranking Sam Cooke and Buddy Guy is a pretty solid indication of the rank injustice of lists like these. Now, like I said, I‘m fully aware that this isn’t you’re responsibility, but at the same time, I have to air my grievances somewhere and fortunately, I don’t have the email addresses of everyone that voted for these. So what I propose is this: at some point in the rest of the duration of the countdown, someone goes on the air and issues a long, hairy finger wag at the listeners for their selection process. And then a quick “for shame, people”. I understand if neither of you want to issue this statement personally and I wouldn’t expect you two. You can get Helen to do it if you want, or use a voice disguise thingy that seems to work so well for kidnappers and the like. Hey, use an intern if that’s any easier. If you want, I can record a statement and say that a crazed listener locked himself in the booth while you all had to watch helplessly, I don’t mind taking the fall there. The point is, this statement must be made. Also, I would like for this to be followed with an eleven hour marathon of James Brown recordings followed by an exclusive broadcast of the black soul rock compilation Chains and Black Exhaust. The marathon could be split equally between the classic lineups of the JBs (or even just between Jabo and Clyde), but I understand if you want to include Mr. Brown’s later “batshit” years and drug-fueled CNN interviews for levity. I feel that this and this alone would right this with the community at large and restore the cosmic balance of things.

Again, I’d like to thank you for your fantastic work and I salute the recent evolution of the station. You’re doing good work, and I will keep my ears peeled for the public writ of apology that is so sorely needed. Thanks again.

Yours, angrily

Cotton


P.S. I know that asking for an eleven hour James Brown marathon might seen a bit excessive, but when lined up to but a single Grateful Dead song, I think it’s a reasonable request. If you feel so strongly about that, though, I will accept as a substitute one six hour Fela Kuti song. The choice, as a silver-age rap duo better than myself once proclaimed, is yours.

Sadly I tend to write a lot of emails like this. Maybe I should just start a separate blog for those.