Buena Sera - Louis Prima

So, after a conversation with a friend last night, I got to thinking about depression. I’ve had plenty of experiences with depression, but firsthand and through others, and they rarely leave one feeling anything but helpless. For a long time I was pretty wreckless and indifferent to everything in my life and the people that matter most to me because of it, and a lot of times it got much worse. I like to think things have gotten better since then, and for the most part the have. But it doesn’t take much to slip into a black mood. There was a lot of talk about me going on medication for awhile, and in retrospect it was probably a really good idea. It probably still is. But I’ve always refused. Not because I hate pharmaceutical drugs or anything. I’m not fond of them, but you have to be a complete ass (or scientologist –same thing) to think they never do good. Study schizophrenia for 5 seconds and you’ll realize that, not to mention the countless other applications. That said, though, I never really felt that medication was the right step for me. My bouts with depression have always been bipolar in nature, and they would certainly regulate my moods and behavior. (though I’m not about to start self-diagnosing) and to be honest, I prefer to keep my moods. It’s a terrible feeling when things aren’t going well. I’ve been crippled with self loathing and unable to leave bed because of the way I feel about things. It can be downright terrible. It would be nice to not have to put up with that, of course. But at the same time, to give those up would be to give up the sort of general feeling that I get to have today, such a giddy tone of happiness that I practically hum with excitement. I know that it won’t last forever, shit it probably won’t last me the rest of the week, but for what I have right here and now, I wouldn’t trade it for all the drugs and self-satisfaction in the world. So I wish to everyone reading this a spectacular day. I hope you get a chance to enjoy it. and J if you read this I'm glad you're feeling better.