a long detailed story nobody needs to read

In college there was a girl I met my freshman year. she lived in my dorm, a smaller, out of the way building that mostly housed student athletes and science scholarships. Needless to say there wasn't a whole lot of smokers there. There was a group of about 10 that I would always see out on the porch. I was friendly with them, but not particularly close. I'm not even sure I knew all their names. But whatever, we were familiar with each other is the point.

About two years later I saw Michelle, who pretty much lived in our dorm with her boyfriend, at a house party somewhere. I never really knew her well or anything, but it was funny to see her and we struck up a conversation about who we knew in common at the party and what had become of the nighttime smoking crew. She caught me up on the whereabouts of most of them, and then told me she had broken up with Tom a few weeks before. She said it was friendly, and that they still hung out on occasion. I was impressed with this, since it was obvious that he had followed her there to school and seemed crazy about her. As the night went on we just kept having these great conversations and I was surprised that I hadn’t gotten along with her this well before. One thing led to another and before we realized it the party was out of beer and everyone was headed to the bar up the street. We ended up in the back of this caravan, and at some point she literally grabbed my by my belt and pulled me into an alleyway and started kissing me. I didn’t put up a fight. After a few minutes, she turned around and started opening the door behind her. This was her house.

We ended up in her room, which was on the first floor next to the kitchen, fooling around for awhile. At some point, I remember her asking me loudly to have sex with her. It was really awkward because I’m -to say the very least- shy about that sort of thing and also because I just didn’t really want to. To this day I couldn’t tell you why, because I was really attracted to her and there was nothing stopping me other than the antiquated notion that I at least should have bought her a drink or something. Chivalrous, I know. She settled for more fooling around and I fell asleep not long after. I woke up early the next morning and was dying of thirst so I crept out of her bed and opened the door to the kitchen. Sitting there facing the door was Tom, her serious boyfriend up until a few weeks prior, with a brooding look on his face. Wearing only a pair of pants and a look of sheer horror, I slammed the door shut before I had to say anything. This woke Michelle up.

“Jesus, why didn’t you tell me that you guys live together?” A thought flashed in my mind that I would rather climb out the window that endure the morning that seemed head of me.

“What? We broke up. Maybe now he’ll stop trying to sneak in my room at night.” I just collapsed back into bed and made myself fall asleep, hoping that everyone would be gone when I woke up so I could escape unsolicited. After another hour or so I woke up again and started looking around her room. Every wall was covered in Superchunk posters. They were a band I’d heard of, but never really listened to so I started asking Michelle about them (anything to avoid the topic of the earlier encounter) and she handed me a stack of CDs, swearing I’d like them. A few hours later I snuck out and made my way home.

And the thing is I really did like them. I sat there listening to them for hours wondering how I’d ignored everyone who had recommended them to me before. But I was a Pavement fan through and through, and had it in my head that I couldn’t be a fan of both. Much like Adidas and Puma fans, I guess. Anyway, despite the distinct feeling that I’d been used and an utter dislike of waking up in that house, I continued to call Michelle, and we’d hang out a couple times a week. Almost all of our nights would end up the same way the first, with her making obnoxiously loud requests in the bedroom and my quietly refusing them. I don’t think we ever met up outside of that party and her house, and I was desperate not to become that guy. After awhile Tom and I found ourselves sympathetic to one another. I don’t know if he found out that I was refusing to have sex with her or because he pitied me having to put up with her pushiness, but we would have quiet bowls of cereal together in the early morning, politely asking where the other hung out the night before.

We only lasted a few weeks before I found out that Michelle actually had another boyfriend, in addition to me and her ex that she lived with. It was all but over by then anyway, because I had gone through her entire Superchunk library and bought the CDs I liked for my own. I think that once that mystique was lost on me, it just seemed sort of pointless. She only wanted one thing from me and I only wanted one thing from her, and they were not the same. We drifted apart pretty quickly, and other than my occasionally bumping into Tom at the bar, I had no idea what she was up to.

A year or so later Superchunk actually played a free show down the road, and I went excitedly, despite the fact that I had little to no interest in any of their more recent albums. I kept expecting to see her there, but she didn’t show. I don’t know, maybe she wasn’t feeling it anymore. Maybe she knew I’d be there. Either way, they put on a great show that day.

I hadn't thought of that story in years, and I've certainly never told anyone all of it. I can assure you it's a lot more personal than I wanted it to get, but it's a good story that deserved telling. Maybe I'll start a series of "strange places Cotton has woken up" stories, because there's a lot of them, and most more entertaining than that.

These are from Superchunk's first singles compilation. They put out three of them total and the first two remain some of my favorite albums to listen to. The next one has a story to it as well, but I'll save that one for a rainy day. The first one is a cover song that has this great little stuttering drum beat that I never get over. The second might be the greatest admission of plagiarism ever committed to record, and the third has an all-time classic botched opening chord. Hope I didn't ruin them for you.

"Train from Kansas City" - Superchunk

"Cool" - Superchunk

"The Breadman" - Superchunk

But Tossing Seeds: Singles 1989-91 here for $13.

Regarding the picture, it's what happens when I google "red-faced." I don't know.

In looking something up for this story, I found the last thing I ever wrote for the college newspaper is still online. I wonder if I'm gonna have to live with this through my entire life.

New York Times did a nice interview with Bernie Sanders ("the first Socialist Senator since the 20s") here. It's a good read, and offers insight on what's going on in the northeast liberal movement as well as what faces any candidate that runs independant of the big 2 parties.