Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Check out this statue in Moscow of two blindfolded children being chased around a park as "the victims of adult vices".

Now, being the youngest of 5 meant that I had no shortage of methods being employed in hopes of scaring the living shit out of me. Most of them worked pretty well. I remember one night when I was left in the care of my siblings when my parents went out somewhere. About halfway through the night, my oldest sister turned to me and said that they were all my parents now, since Mom and Dad weren't coming home. when I asked why not she told me, without batting an eye, that they were eaten by bears. I was 5, and my trouble with sleeping probably started right around there.
There was a belt that hung on the wall in my grandparents' home, one with these rusty coins attached to it. Every one of the children in my family had told everyone else about why it hung there, and that there were a few very sore asses that regretted having met it. I swear its' presence alone kept me from mouthing off to anyone until I was well into my mid-20s.
Now, that said, none of that affected me the way seeing this statue as a small child would. This is like the scariest parts of the The Wall movie* come to life.

Keep in mind that this is 2000 yards away from the Kremlin! The most haunting thing we have in DC is what... Arlington? The Vietnam Memorial? Arlington isn't scary, and the Vet Wall is more somber than scary. You can't be all that scared when there are wall rubbings involved, right?

Maybe we should consider one of these, but Americanize the whole thing. Put up a donkey playing Rock Band, or an aardvark watching a movie with CGI'd talking dogs. It's time to scare our kids straight! What if there was an elephant coordinating bum fights!?? Think of all the terrible shit we can help end, just by erecting some creepy-ass statues on the National Mall! I guess we probably can't afford it at the moment, but I'm gonna start writing some letters now...

Check out some more pictures at English Russia (but don't read the comments, okay? They're just not good for you. Ever).

*Come to think of it, this too was used to scare me as a child, along with KISS album covers, threat of BB gun, and clowns.

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