THE RED PLANET

I had a dream last night that the United States had somehow terraformed Mars, or at least parts of it. There were 500,000 people living there in 2 settlements (named "Indiana" and "Pittsburgh") that were primarily a workforce for huge mines and greenhouse agriculture fields. Oh, and of course the bulk of the workforce consisted of immigrants, some of whom were allowed to bring their families. There were Burger Kings and the place looked a lot like rural Utah, though I bet if I could take another look around, rural Iraq would probably be more like it. Especially with the Burger Kings.

It was like a high-tech version of the mining/logging/railroad camps of the early 19th century. By and large, the settlements were lawless and many carried weapons. Also, there were 2 large conspicuous fake mountains next to the settlement I dreamt I was in ("Indiana"), which were clearly silos for nuclear weapons which were aimed at the earth. It was also a widespread assumption that somewhere on the other side of the planet there was a massive compound where the earth's "elite" would be in case the missiles were ever fired.

The reason I was even on Mars, though, was because a good friend of mine had settled there, and in true pioneer fashion, had set up an adult theater for the workers. It was wildly popular, and not the sort of porno theater I was expecting, since the only movie I remember seeing was a crudely animated burlesque feature. There were prostitutes (with cybernetic enchancements) working outside of the theater, but my friend had nothing to do with them, since he seemed to be making a killing with this theater. So much so that he needed serious help running it, which his why he had snuck me out on a mining freighter (the only way to sneak onto the planet without a worker pass from the industrial businesses set up there) to be his partner in the Martian pornography business. Though, in my dream, they referred to themselves as "Areans". Creepy, I know.

I'm not sure what else I remember about the setup, but I have more scrawled next to my bed at home. There were paramilitary helicopters (how the hell would that work?) all of the cars there were pre-Catalytic converter, because for some reason they were easier to modify to run in the atmosphere. By the end of my dream, I had become ingrained in a class struggle and revolution of sorts. It was pretty drawn out. What was even stranger is that I had come to Mars from settlements on the Moon, which was completely settled at that point and wasn't strange at all to be living on. Huh.

This isn't the sort of dream I usually have. Normally, I dream about waterskiing on a cheeseburger and punching a dolphin in the nose or whatever, and then I wake up and it's gone. This was something that I remember during the dream thinking "write this down". It's clearly a culmination of things I've been reading/watching lately, namely the John Carter of Mars series, Deadwood, my mounting paranoia, Transmetropolitan, Robert Capa's photos of the Spanish Civil War, and God knows what else. But I'm wondering if I should try to write this out further. Historically, I can't write sci-fi for shit, but I'm sort of interested in this. I don't know, I'm just thinking with my fingers at this point.

So yeah, I woke up this morning thinking I was moving to Mars. Then I went to the bakery up the street (which is, in fact, the greatest bakery in the world) and was buying my almond croissant and coffee when I saw a couple of ladies gawking out the window at the news van parked across the street. The following exchange took place.

Lady #1: That's ! She's here because Money magazine just named us the 5th best place to live in the country!*

Lady #2: ooooh, neat!

Lady #1: Well, I think they mostly chose smaller towns for the survey, but it's pretty wonderful that-

Me (jumping in): That's true. I actually just moved here from the #9 town on that list, and-

Lady #2: Well, is it better here?

Me: Well, I don't think I'd use the same criteria as Money magazine, but-

Lady #1: yeah, but you notice the difference, right?

Me: Well, it's warmer...

Then they ran and grabbed the news lady, offered my unique perspective, and she interviewed me off-camera (the equipment wasn't set up yet) for a few minutes and I told her pretty much the exact same thing as above before I left on my way to work.

Then, ten minutes later, I was walking down the driveway to my workplace, through the construction area that's been there for some time and will continue to be for some greater time. I was walking in the dirt on the shoulder of the driveway when I heard a giant truck horn blare just feet behind me. I turned and saw a cement truck that was wider than the driveway itself.

"What are you, retarded? GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE ROAD" the driver yelled.

It's been a long morning. And it's shaping up to be an even longer day. Anyway, I'm sorry to describe yet another dream to you this morning, but this one was too weird not to.

*this is true, but it happened like 2 months ago. Go news.