lovely, dark and deep

I went for a walk in the woods I grew up in the other day. Not that I grew up in them exclusively as some feral child, or that I refer to some specific, life-changing event in my life that occurred within them. I just mean that they bordered my lawn, and I spend many an hour and many an evening there. And sure, I probably did grow up a little there.

I know, that to look at me your mind wouldn't leap to the term "woodsman". No, no, it's okay. I'm not offended. So I'm not brawny, and so I can't track and kill deer armed only with a pair of boots and a match that's been sharpened at its butt end. I've come to accept that. After all, it's not like I've never tried.

Like I mentioned earlier, I spent countless hours in the woods growing up. I've walked it from end to end, when I emerged in a vaguely familiar neighborhood I was certain was long past walking distance. I swam in the streams and I've helped injured friends out of them and I've lit dozens of completely unsafe campfires there. I got in bb gun fights in them and later made frequent plans drinking copious amounts of newly available ice-filtered beer there. Many stupid ideas were born back there, though most I'd never repeat.
Except this one:

Once, when I was 12 or 13, my neighborhood friends and I found a foothold trap not far from where we usually entered the woods. An opossum had its left hind leg stuck in it. It was only a matter of time before it'd start gnawing on that last leg, and squeamish about the results, we managed to free it and watch it limp back into the brush.

I'd like to think it was out of some proprietary sense of maintenance that we released it. That as its most frequent visitors, we were obliged to remove the presence of complete strangers, especially ones with the effrontery to set a trap so close to our homes.

Hell, I'd like to think we did it because we thought we could save its life.

But in the end, I'm pretty sure that we just wanted that trap. So we worked in concord, and after several hours managed to free the captured marsupial without injury or contracting rabies or whatever.

If I had come across a trapped opossum the other day, I can tell you without any exaggeration that I would not just have left the sucker there to chew his foot off, I'd probably run out of the forest, making startled noises under my breath whilst occasionally looking over my shoulder to make sure it wasn't following me, clanking the little trap behind it like some ghastly accessory.

So I'm not used to the woods like I used to be. I'm okay with that. I'm sure if I tried to free a trapped opossum right now, I'd have typhus or rabies or even better, Chagas disease. The point is, you know I'd have to wear a cone around my neck because let's face it; That kind of stuff happens to guys like me.

But even after I'd contracted Lyme disease and then later another bout with it, I'd still go into the woods for hours at a time without repellent, and just as often without checking myself when I'd get back home.

So why is it now I can't walk around in these same woods for an hour without freaking out, running home, and bathing myself in fire to make sure none of the little bastards are hitching a ride on me...FOR MY BLOOD? Is it that I'm so petrified of having to through the whole thing again? Is it that I'm just more of a wuss and intensely freaked out by parasites? I don't know, but I gave myself a thorough check when I got home, and still found one just sinking his chops into y side a few hours later. Of course, this prompted a full-scale, breakdown-inducing tick check, which spanned one bath and several hours. These things sort of snowball.

Anyway, it was nice, to find myself back there the other day, even if only for an hour or two before the panic set in. I got to run along the immutable old deer paths**. I got to climb into the spring house, which the last time I saw, it still had the remnants of a floor. Now it's mostly rubble accompanying two walls and a chimney. I always thought it looked sort of haunted or cursed as a kid, when you could still make out a livable structure's shape. Maybe disgruntled bagmen, or axe-wielding maniacs could spring from it at any moment. I probably also assumed that as a stone structure, it would long outlast me.

Of course, now, you have to squint to make it out from the overgrown shrubs to even see the remains, and upon approaching it, I fear a family of rats emerging it far more than any human malevolence. Fortunately, neither was present. Anyway, I took some pictures while I was down there, thinking I'd have something a little more...reflective to write about them when I got back. Instead, you get this rambling and largely incoherent explanation of my posting a bunch of pictures of woods and overgrowth. Oh well, at least I did something with them.
I honestly have hundreds of great stories about these woods, but they're mine. and the people who were there. I don't know where most of them are right now, but I also don't want to betray anyone that passed out in a campfire, or accidentally almost blew their face off, or who fell down a hill and broke a large glass apparatus hidden in his jacket, showering him in foul-smelling water and shredding their arm to pieces with broken glass. They can tell you those stories, I'm just a tired and lazy man talking about the woods.

What I really want is to go down there after a good snow. When the leaves are gone and the only thing you can hear is the wind and the snow crunching beneath your feet. That, my friends, is one of my favorite feelings in the world.

Then I'll also be able to go into that Robert Frost poem. Which I'm sure has you thrilled at the prospect of.

the spring house:

chimney:

At the top left of this next shot you can see the old fireplace:

same angle, only further away:

This is where we'd have parties in high school. I actually found a rusted can of Red Dog down here a few years ago.

A deer path. This one actually goes down a steep hill, and was a formidable sledding hill at one time.

*Which often seem to be the only thing that remains constant back there, trans-forrestic expressways amid the ebb and flow of vines, prickers, and downed limbs. It's interesting that I could probably make my way out of there blindfolded but walking around yields very little recognizeable landmarks other than the spring house.

So yeah, I'll keep yhou posted on me getting my titers, and then the antibiotic hell, and then the unveiling of the new, improved site, Lyme disease fingers.

Nothing is in the bag

Greg Palast did a good job of terrifying me as usual. Last night, Sean and I were both talking about how nothing seems to have been resolved with the voter caging and purging from the last 2 elections. In fact, it seems worse. Apparently, it is.

In related news, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. wrote a comic book.
Yes, I'll give you a moment to go back and read that. It's about voter fraud and co-authored with Palast (who seems to relish calling his partner only by his last name) and is available for download here. Don't get turned away at the ballot.

Sarah Palin to drop the puck at Flyers opener

Seriously?

Bobbi and Garry Adair of Montgomeryville were on a down elevator last Sunday at the Westin in Center City - he in a Phillies shirt, she in a Donovan McNabb Eagles jersey - when the door opened.

In stepped Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (left) and her security guys. Palin wore a New York Rangers sweater with “Palin 08″ on the back.

Bobbi Adair greeted the veep candidate and asked what she was up to.

Going for a run, Palin replied.

“Not in that shirt you’re not,” Adair says she told her.

My great grandfather and his dalmations

Japanese Monkey Waiters

OH. MY. AWESOME.

link, if player doesn't work.

Wow. Just.....wow.

Michele Allen, 32, will spend the next month in jail after admitting to a wild drunken weekend dressed in this silly cow outfit, said Middletown, Ohio, authorities.

She had been hired to wear the outfit to advertise for a local "haunted trail" theme park.

While at work Saturday evening, Allen hit the sauce hard and then stumbled into the streets - blocking traffic and chasing kids, said Police Major Mark Hoffman.

Allen also urinated in a nearby yard during the drunken grazing, cops said.

"It's curious. When I think of Halloween or a haunted trail, I don't think of cows as being scary - although this one was," Hoffman said.

As cops hauled her away, the haunted trail's manager snatched the cow mask away from Allen, but officers let her keep the rest of the outfit.

"It appeared that's all she had on," Hoffman said.

Allen dried out in jail over the weekend - all the while wearing the cow costume.

Jail policy allows for inmates to wear prison garb in the clink, but only after a defendant's first court appearance.

Despite having two nights to sober up, Allen was in a foul mood Monday, yelling at jailers.

"She was challenging people to 'suck her udders,' " Hoffman said. "I'm not joking."

Again, from RCS .

I'm a thief, I know. But this was too good not to post. My apologies if this has already made the rounds.

Abandoned Ukranian Church

Also via Riotclitshave

Dinocopter

via riotclitshave

Russian paintings

English Russia posted gold today with these paintings. Sure, some of them are super creepy, but I still think some of them are pretty cool. You know those paintings you see a couple times in the background of the Royal Tenenbaums? Some of them are reminiscent of those, but then you see stuff like this:

yeah....

I'm almost at the point where I don't want to watch the debate anymore. My minds been made up since March. Why do I continue to subject myself to this stuff? Is it worth the inevitability of my yelling at the TV, floundering, and then ultimately being disappointed with whomever wins anyway? Is anyone going to even care anymore come January? Assuming the economic crisis will have at least started to abate by that point, will this all be nothing but a hangover by then, until some other crisis (real or perceived) looms? I feel like the last three elections have just resulted into a year-round political campaign season, and as a result there's no time to get much done because everyone in our legislature is constantly voting as short term as they can in order to maintain electability*. Has it always been this way? Can I blame MTV somehow? Either way, I'm clearly going to watch the debates tonight, if only to watch Obama relentlessly pursue the economy in discussion while McCain tries to tie Reverend Wright to Wall Street. This one might get ugly. Sigh.

now listening: an entire album's worth of Beatles songs played backwards. I'm not sure I could tell you why if you asked.

*I'm sorry. I think I said earlier that I'd never use that term again.

Deepest ever living fish filmed alive

Deep sea fish -like anything that lives in an environs completely void of light environment- tend to scare the crap out of me. It's not just that I'm more afraid of sea creatures than other kinds*, it's also because their appearance is something that looks like it was evolved into some sort of terror machine through years of battling the other creepies and crawlies down there. Giant fangs. Eyes that are somehow dead and luminous at the same time. Flesh that appears either rotting or slimy or both. Cases in point:
See what I mean? Sure, my chances of ever seeing one of these things alive is virtually nil, and even if I did, my skull would be crushed by the enormous pressure of the depths long before it could ever reach me. Hell, even if I was down there and could manage to withstand the tons of ocean water on top of me, I still wouldn't be able to see anything**. Even with all of this, I'm still immensely frightened by these things***.
So, you can imagine my relief today when I read that the deepest ever filmed footage of seep sea wildlife today revealed creatures that, while still slimy and probably fanged, were "cute". That's Monty Priede from the University of Aberdeen's description, not mine. But, it's nice to see them darting around and eating shrimp, as opposed to, I dunno, my extremities. So more power to these guys. I hope they dominate the murky depths, kept in check only by the feared and mysterious giant squid.

wait a minute, what the hell are shrimp doing that deep?

*sea snakes and horseshoe crabs: my living nightmare.
**What makes you think I'd hold on to a light down there if I had one?
*** an, as with all things I'm immensely frightened of, I can't help but wonder how it would taste when properly cooked

Malaysian couple beaten to death by relatives in a stop-smoking ritual.

holy shit.

The couple died of head injuries after being beaten with broomsticks and motorbike helmets during a family gathering at a Kuala Lumpur home Wednesday

via Warren Ellis

Now THAT'S guerilla marketing

Police raid reveals 240 heroin packets with "Obama 09" and Barack's likeness found in Wiles-Barre.

Still waiting on McCain geritol.

In other weird Obama news, SW Virginia is getting treated to Ralph Stanley endorsement ads? The Inquirer reported yesterday that both tickets are spending the most money on TV ads in Pennsylvania. But they're not gonna throw us some Ralph Stanley? Does Carville need to remind Barack what lies between Philly and Pittsburgh? You know what, on second thought let's keep that alien-headed goon away from that campaign.

UPDATE: Here's the commercial.

#1 at the box office this weekend? Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
Which has me wondering if this is merely stupid people that attended the movies this weekend, or worse, stupid parents.

Either way, this is pretty depressing news.

(fortunately, more people probably saw SNL this week than that terrible movie)

Oh, and Lorna sent me pictures of these awesome rice fields in Japan.

More pictures of Russia circa 100 years ago.

By now it's probably pretty clear that I love pictures like this.I was actually reading a book this morning that is very similar, but pictures of China from 1880-1912 and it's got much crazier shit than this (decapitation?). There should be more sites dedicated to the digital preservation of images like this, of typical daily life from 100+ years ago.
Daguerreotype preservation!
Anyway, I wouldn't recommend visiting the site these photos are tagged with at work (the url above is fine), since it's almost entirely Russian text and boobs.

Rally, October 4, 2008

About as passive as a rally can get. There was a dude smoking a joint right near us, though, which was odd.

Beijing, 1977

Yes, they just randomly practice kung fu in the streets.







awesome.

Kitty likes milk

and porkchops, apparently

It's weird that Always Sunny in Philadelphia mentions Poltergeist the same night I start seeing these shitty DirectTV commercials come on, pissing all over the name of one of my favorite movies ever.

....I wonder if Tobe Hooper or Spielberg gets money for that.

retraction

huh. So apparently Bosniaks = Muslim Bosnians.



whoooops.

In which I attempt to comment live on the debate

So, I'm trying to juggle the Phillies game, the Pitt game, and the debate on top of downing something eerily similar to a Flaming Homer, but I'll try to get some stuff down while I'm watching this.

Gwen Ifill's upcoming book about black politics has caused many to say she'll be biased in this debate. In other news, many people are idiots. Gwen's a pro, and don't think for a second that she'll throw this either way. I, however, totally will.

Palin just asked "Do you mind if I call you Joe?". Are Governors not afforded the same right as other senators to refer to those in the senate by their first names? Damn, politics is CONFUSING.

9:06 PM Slow down, Joe. Don't read this off a card. Take your time, be at ease. You're not a good rigid person.

(Pitt, Phils are still up).

9:07 PM It took Palin 18 seconds to mention attending a kid's soccer game. Wait...she has kids?

9:09 PM The polarization question. Biden's being cool now. He's falling into a rhythm. "I think it's fair to say I've got as many friends in the credit card industry as I do in the Democratic half of the house, and those guys are practically Republicans. Palin, meanwhile, just cites McCain's work. and if she says the wor- never mind. She just said maverick. Can people stop referring to themselves as mavericks? Can we put some sort of moratorium on that?

Gwen Ifill calls them both on their bullshit. I love it.

9:13 PM I appreciate the attempts at being civil, but stop praising each other's running mates.

9:14 PM Joey Danko of Wilmington, DE. You just made the news!

9:15 PM Joe Six-packs don't say "darn".

meanwhile, it appears someone on Flickr tried to make their own Flaming Moe:


9:16 PM "That charge is not true". THANK YOU JOE BIDEN.

9:17 PM Palin doesn't care what the question is, she's straight talkin'. Are they still on the straight talk express? Didn't they crash that somewhere? I'm not being facetious.

9:17 PM Joe, please stop laughing. It's not going to help. Think really sad stuff if you have to, but don't laugh on camera.

Does anyone think that we can possibly lower taxes anymore while fighting two wars in a recession/depression?

9:20 PM Middle Class Palin. huh.

9:21 PM Do it, Joe. Poinjt out that McCain has had government run healthcare for his entire adult life. PLEASE, JOE.

9:23 PM "Ultimate bridge to nowhere". eh. close enough.

CHAR-AC-TER-IZED

ugh, shit. Is this whole debate gonna be these two idiots correcting each other?

9:27 PM 5 Weeks!!!!!!!

(Pitt is up 10. Nice)

9:29 PM Has Palin just gotten to know McCain just through his campaign ads? Just wondering...
PS I'm getting really tired of the "main street" euphemism.

9:32 PM "We're not giving oil companies tax breaks" - Sarah Palin. Scanning the audiotorium for hellfire, brimstone.

9:33 PM Global warming topic. I can take this time to go to the bathroom. Let me know when she pulls out a polar bear steak to eat at the podium.
"other countries that don't care as much about the environment as we do". So, you pretty much mean China, right? oh, and the tire-burning third world. Eat it, Somalia.

9:35 PM "That's why the polar ice cap is melting". I can't hear this phrase without thinking of Waterworld. Yeah, I think of that movie a lot.

9:36 PM "Drill. Drill. Drill." Dude, you're stealing Sarah's line!!!!!

9:36 PM Sarah corrects him. Who chants this at a rally?
Wait... is she from an energy producing state?

KLEEN KOLE

9:38 PM I like that subtle shift from the environment to gay marriage.

I'm glad she'd like to keep her religious beliefs out of the office. I really hope we never have a chance to see firsthand.

9:42 PM The vote to withhold funding from the war comes up. This is what I've been the most concerned about all day.

9:43 PM Okay, someone better string together a rambling stream of nouns pretty soon, or this debate is going to get BORING.

ooooooh "white flag of surrender" I take that back!


9:46 PM "Obama voted to cut off funding"
9:46 PM "So did John McCain!"
9:46 PM "Barack did not support our troops"
9:46 PM "John McCain voted the exact same way on that bill!"
Clearly, this is gonna get solved tonight.

9:48 PM Pakistan.....

okay, they really should've shotgunned those beers before the debate. I just wanna go back on what I said earlier.

9:49 PM SHE SAYS NUCULAR TOO!!!!!

9:50 PM The Castro Brothers sounds like a comedy troupe. Someone get on that.

"Henry Kissinger's passion for diplomacy" and starving people. and burning them alive.

9:52 PM Biden again states "that's not true". This is long overdue.

(Pitt 17, USF 14)

9:53 PM Take that Spain, hahaha!

Israel.

9:55 PM Biden brings up that Palestine's elections never go the way we want them to. Palin is proud they both love Israel.

It's a damn shame that Olmert had to wait until he was forced to resign to state that Israel should withdraw back to the '67 borders. Thanks for that, man. Next time, try not to be so corrupt.

jeez, this is a lot of typing. I still gotta do my maths tonight.

9:58 PM There it is again, "nucular" it's almost cute.

10:05 PM I swear he just said "Bosniacs"

it would be AWESOME if Sen. Dick Lugar (R-IN) floated down from the rafters right now...

"It's so obvious that I'm a Washington outsider". See, if Biden said something this smarmy, people would jump down his fucking throat. I think "straight talk" should be taken away from the McCain campaign. Starting, like, a year ago.

10:08 PM this is like watching two people argue with two separate walls.
Biden's brain must be fighting SO hard to keep his eyes from rolling back into his skull.

you know how you can tell these answers are all pre-rehearsed? because they don't answer like ANY of the questions.

10:11 "Team of mavericks"? That's an oxymoron, right? RIGHT? It would've been awesome if Gwen Ifill just asked this question of Palin. "So, McCain don't look so good...."

10:12 PM Main Street, Wasilla
10:13 PM I wish Biden coulda said like Fred's Hardware and not Home Depot, but I guess Fred probably works at Home Depot there.

"Say it ain't so, Joe? Doggonit?" What the hell?
I would respect Palin more for just dropping an F bomb right about now.

"Your wife is a teacher, and god bless her for that, her reward is in heaven"
holy shit.

10:16 PM Wait, she wants MORE authority given to the VP?
10:17 PM Isn't Biden like the poorest member of the Senate? I think I red that somewhere.

10:21 PM oooooh, she just said kitchen table......

"you've been very kind, saying my only Achilles heel is my lack of discpline, others would point out my chronic drinking"
just kidding, Joe. You're all aces.

10:22 PM I'm thinking I have to go see Springsteen in Philly on Saturday, of only to see if he plays "Born in the U.S.A." Sorry, it just sorta came to me.

MAVERICK! How can both sides tout change so much? Is down gonna be up from now on? Are we finally gonna legislate Backwards Day? SWEEEEEEET

10:24 PM I wish the camera had just panned out to show Joe Lieberman out in the crowd, a single tear rolling down his cheek. Then, he'd mouth "I love you" to Sarah Palin.

10:25 PM Biden calls out this maverick bullshit. Is it perhaps that this maverick is perhaps.........................A GOOSE?
sorry, that'll be my only Top Gun-themed joke. ever. Really, that was bad.

LAST QUESTION: WHAT WOULD YOU GO BACK AND CHANGE?
Will Palin say charging victims for rape kits? Doubtful.

10:30 PM Biden just dropped a Helms Bomb!

10:31 PM Sarah keeps mentioning her wildly diverse family. Duuuude, I hope this might lead to a 2008 Billy Carter. Well, not really. But it'd be kinda fun.



10:33 PM losing statements
Someone run that "we'll fight for the middle class" thing by me again later.

Biden is humble, and sincere. But I don't know about charismatic. "..and selfishly, god bless our troops". The 'selfishly' might have been a little too much, Joe.

AAAAAAND IT'S OVER

so, in the end, it was exactly what I was expecting. Pointed, and with the occasional sharp jab thrown in there, but nobody broke down, nobody got arrogant. No clear winner. The wink was settling, and there were a few solid talking points, but nothing worth staring at this and typing for 2 hours for. or reading this nonsense that I just wrote. God, I hope someone read it as I did it, because otherwise, it's reaaaally stupid. Oh, hell, it's stupid anyway.

I'm watching Joe and Sarah shake hands right now and I'm not going to bother to read lips, but I'm sure it's friendly. and now the families are out. So I'm wondering, did Bristol drop out of school? Because she's been on the campaign trail, along with "her" baby. Of course, the campaign trail is a fantastic place to raise a baby.

Okay, I'm tired, and I am going to have another cough syrup and whiskey and then read some geometry and then watch Always Sunny and then go to bed. Good night, people. Go voting.

and now Pat Buchanan is talking about how attractive she is.

it should be pointed out while I was writing this, I found several wildly conservative blogs and commented RON PAUL '08 BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY

Written live, during the VP debate, 10/2/08 with no post-editing.

I'm sure this is the burgeoning yup-rock bore in me, but I'm really enjoying this new Charlie Haden bluegrass album. I love the way his triplets can harmonize. (Have I become that boring?)

Except for the Jack Black song, which is a bit too much. Stick to the D, buddy.

Krazy Korrections

wow. Both of the corrections cited here are among the most mindblowing things I've read in weeks. and not in a good way...

The Drunk Vote

"It's time that normal Joe Six-pack American is finally represented in the position of vice presidency," the Republican vice presidential candidate told radio talk show host Hugh Hewitt.

Palin said if she and John McCain win, they will "put government back on the side of the people of Joe Six-pack like me."

Wait a second. Wasn't one of the major draws of the idiot we've had in there for the past 8 years that he's "the kinda guy you'd wanna have a beer with?" I mean, wasn't that considered to be a factor that got him elected over that ol' stuffed shirt, John Kerry? Who the hell is this appealing to? Do voters have that short a memory? or are people actually insistent that our Vice President be a Jo Six-pack? It must be that awful liberal media.
And what's with all the beer references? Are these veiled nods to the liquor lobby? Subtle jabs at those highfalutin', arugula-eating non-drinkers? Or do Americans on average vote with their bloated, barely functioning livers as stupid comments like this would have you believe? I don't know. But if the debate tonight opens with her and Biden shotgunning beers, things won't look good.

Speaking of the debate, I'm not sure what exactly is going to happen. I know that all Palin has to do is not give any of those rambling, incoherent teen beauty pageant answers that escaped her mouth in that Katie Couric interview. And all Biden really needs to do is not appear condescending or outright ask her if she's completely retarded. In either case, I'm willing to bet that it draws more viewers than the Presidential debate. Neither side should be predicting a bloodbath. I mean, they're both gonna say they won, anyway.
and in the end, at least there's gonna be a two-part Always Sunny in Philadelphia on afterwards to wash the awful taste out of your mouth.

oh, and while I'm somewhat afraid of whose vote Roger Ebert influences, he did bring up the whole common-etiquette-of-interpersonal-communications thing here. Weren't you always taught to look people in the eyes? My parents used to always question me on someone's eye color as soon as I shook hands with them to make sure I did. Apparently, McCain still isn't up to courtesy as of yesterday:

The political tension was clear as Senator Barack Obama walked to the Republican side of the aisle to greet Senator John McCain, who offered a chilly look and a brief return handshake.

-In other news, the New York Sun is dead. and while I hardly want to celebrate the demise of another American newspaper, I can't say I'll miss it.

-and lastly, Dusty Foggo, who was the third-highest ranking member of the CIA, was found guilty of fraud. Are you kidding me? When it's someone at the CIA, shouldn't it just be considered treason? Why is this guy getting a mac of 3 years in jail when he compromises one of the most important intelligence positions in our government? Attention future inmates of Kyle "Dusty" Foggo: see if you can rig it up to waterboard the shit out of this guy in prison. My prediction, sadly, is that he'll be out in 20 months and have a high paying job soon after. sigh.

my brain right now:
40% vocabulary words + 20% cold medicine + 15% geometrical equations + 10% considering the sludge that would ooze out of my brain after self-trepanation with a leftover chopstick. oh and 15% phlegm. Sorry.


This might be the delirium, but I'm nearly certain I just heard Bob Odenkirk doing the voiceover for an Outback commercial. Can't we give him better work than this, people?

and since I'm not watching enough TV right now* I have to say I'm super excited for this HBO series starring Danny McBride. I can do without a remake of Land of the Lost, though.

*I'm not really watching that much TV at all. I tried to watch Pushing Daisies tonight, but I got distracted and studied instead. I basically am stuck on Thursday and Sunday TV until Lost comes back in mid-2010.

Okay, I'm off to bed now for real, because I feel like there should be a tranq dart sticking out of my neck right now as it is, but I just thought this picture was super awesome, and possibly reenacted from a thought bubble of Otto from the Simpsons. Anyway, it's pretty great. I should point out that the last few weeks of pictures have been great over at riotclitshave, but the front page has lots of wolf spiders and albinos on it, two of my biggest fears. Although, note the albino squirrel balls are pretty funny. Go little dude!

um....what?

Award winning Berlin based artist Natascha Stellmach has acquired the ashes of Nirvana frontman, Kurt Cobain, and has transformed the grunge icon’s remains into an installation investigating suicide and the power of desecration.
Stellmach’s work in which the ashes of Cobain are rolled into a joint to be smoked at the completion of the exhibition, now claims an ephemeral place in the life story of the Grunge star. “This final act”, Stellmach said, “will release Cobain from the media circus and into the ether.”

I was never the biggest Nirvana fan and I think time has only diminished the band's appeal for me (between the legal battles, Foo Fighters, and Cobain being labeled my generation's John Lennon, I sorta just walked away), but I can't dispute the impact they had on me as a youngster*. And while most of my wants to slap this artist for doing something stupid, I hardly feel like this is the most insulting thing that's been done to this man after death. So carry on.

*I just typed "youngster" and didn't even register it. It might be the soporific effects of the cold and cough medicine I've taken today (along with what seems like half the universe, I'm really sick right now), or it might be that I'm just getting old and ridiculous. Either way, I'm not letting it get to me. So hooray for that. Goodnight, all. Happy October.

Paul Newman

Once, when I was a no-good kid and I got caught doing something stupid with one of my no-good friends, his father screamed at us. For hours. I wish I could remember what he'd caught us doing, but considering my age at the time, it probably involved setting something on fire.
My friend and I really thought we were some badass kids. Smoking cigarettes and bottle rocket fights and sneaking out all the time. I think his dad was just finally sick of his 13 year old son being such a pain in the balls. He yelled at us until he was blue in the face and then he disappeared for a minute. He came back a few minutes later with a VHS tape in hand. "You boys think you're hard" he muttered, shoving the tape in the VCR, "watch this".
To this day I'm not sure what he was trying to teach us. I'm not sure how he hoped forcing us to watch "Cool Hand Luke" would impact us in a positive manner, but two hours later, we were completely enthralled. It was the first black and white movie I ever truly loved, and it remains a favorite. I haven't seen no-good friend in over a decade, but if I ever bump into his dad, I owe him a word of thanks.
Despite watching a lot of news this weekend, it somehow escaped me until just now that Paul Newman is dead. His health has been on the decline for about a year now, but this doesn't diminish anything for me, since he is one of my favorite people that has ever lived. Not just because I like most of his films. It's not just because he was a great philanderer, or that he got himself on Richard Nixon's enemies list. It's because the man was just a class act, all around.
He had senses of humor and modesty. He carried himself with dignity and grace, and when he spoke, it was usually worth listening to. If you ever get the chance, watch the episode of Iconoclasts that Redford made on him. Or hell, watch the man's movies. I, for one, will be watching Slap Shot, The Verdict, and The Young Philadelphians, to start with. Here's to a strong and lasting legacy.
Godspeed, Paul.

and check out some of the trivia: He was the visual inspiration for the original illustrations of superhero Green Lantern/Hal Jordan.

"I've Got a Pen"

Did he bring a prop to the debate?


Also, what's up with the bracelet-off? Who's gonna be the first to go balls out and wear 4,000 of those puppies?

also, WHO BRAGS ABOUT BEING FRIENDS WITH HENRY KISSINGER? Are you serious? Isn't the man not allowed in half of Europe because he is wanted for war crimes? Fuck man, somebody just confirm that he's a war criminal already.


With all the mention about Ole Miss and the James Meredith riots of 1962, they've had all sorts of Mississippi alum on the radio talking about how embarrassing it was to be attending such a racist institution at the time, and they stress the progress that has been made. and I'm sure it has. But you have to figure that a sizable portion -if not the majority- of the student body at the time was opposed to the admission of a black student. I wonder who those people are talking to. Probably their children. Sigh.

I know I said no more pictures today. I really meant it. But honestly, did you expect me to find something like this and not post it? Seriously, I'm halfway towards having it blown up and airbrushed on the hood of my car. (I wonder how that would look on toast...).
anyways, here is the HDF-exclusive of
"smoking woman offering booze to baby lion".
a/k/a the greatest photo I've ever laid eyes on.

I just thought this was amazing. Enough to steal outright from English Russia, anyway. That's enough pictures for one day.

Fountain in the Detroit Airport

via Oobject

"Slime molds" at English Russia.
These are pretty beautiful. How many have you eaten?

Scan Toaster

Yes, the greatest piece of cooking technology in the last century.

Japan, 1973

While I'm not positive yet, there might be a lot more pictures like this being posted in the near future. I'm not sure yet. The idea of posting someone else's travel photos is slightly bothersome, but some of these are too great not to.

Hot Cop, age 3

Bird-Man

This guy was thrusting in front of me at the Eagles' home opener. Apparently, he drives up from Virginia for every home game, some beer cans spilling out of his pickup as he pulls into the lot. Nice.

I completely forgot it until now, when I went to empty out the pictures on my cell phone.

Tried to watch TV last night after a long day of work that seemingly got me nowhere, and couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. I missed most of last season of Heroes, but did it always have the red carpet hour before the program? What the hell is going on? Was Chuck as popular as NBC keeps telling me? Why is 30 Rock taking so long to come back? Oh well.

We probably coulda used that...

In other Iraq news, a former Iraqi official told the Senate Democratic Policy Committee on Monday that more than $13 billion sent by the US for reconstruction projects in Iraq was wasted or stolen through elaborate fraud schemes.

While I know that I'm going to mess this up, I'm still super excited to construct my own little Usagi Yojimbo using the design I found on Cubecraft. I'm even buying an exacto! My craft expertise is something awful, but I'm sure you can do better than I can. So go make one of these. If someone can pull off the Duck Hunt dog, I will bow to them in public and proclaim you to be the greatest person EVER. Suck on that, Abraham Lincoln.

How can she still be doing this? Has nobody called her on this? Really?

Also, who the hell gave Bill Maher a movie? Really? Was Michael Moore so popular that we thought we should smarm him up by 200% and remove whatever semblance of blue-collar roots and location he may have had?

DFW

Because I spend a fraction of the time I used to on the internet, and most of that is used downloading podcasts, I tend to miss out on any news that isn't relayed secondhand to me about pig lipstick or how everyone's money is going to shit. So I missed David Foster Wallace's death. I mean totally.
Last night over dinner I was recommending an essay of his to friends of my mother's who were going to Maine next week. When I borrowed a computer to find and print it, I first came across a eulogy to the man. He hung himself a week ago in Claremont.
I have to state here that I am at best an intermittent fan of his writing. I think his verbosity, occasionally meandering train of thought, and barrage of footnotes have always distracted me from the meat of the stories he tells. Which isn't to say I dislike all his work. His essay on 9/11 remains my favorite piece ever written on the Horror. His Girl With Curious Hair is a fantastic collection of short fiction, "Lyndon" in particular being a personal favorite. But I still have yet to find the meaning of god in Infinite Jest, as many others seem to have, particularly in my writing seminar late in college*. I think it may have had somewhat of a serious impact on my opinion of him, since not long after I began to view him more as
pretentious hipster lit. a Proto-Eggers. and While I wasn't wrong, I was much further from being right. Backlash is backlash and just as stupid as anything that inspires it.
In any case, about two weeks ago I'd downloaded the audio version of his Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, which I'd read very casually years ago but regained an interest in when I saw that John Krasinski from the Office was adapting it for film. I'm curious to see how this project turns out. In any case, I've been listening to it between newscasts and music binges. The thing about audio books is that I rarely get entranced by them like I do actual books. They're more like background music.
In any case, I was enjoying my favorite coffee on the planet yesterday and running a few errands when I had to stop and scribble down a line of his in my pocket notebook. I do this relatively often, and recalling through it later I find lines from movies, notes from news clippings, and pieces of conversation overheard in line at the sandwich shop. But every once in awhile it's something that I just can't shake, and know I'm going to try to steal and use for something else at some point. More often than not, I don't, but it still functions as inspiration.
So, last night, as I read of this author's death, who I've recommended persistently and followed with an interest for the past ten years, I pulled the notebook out and looked down to my half-assed and completely unintentional nod to the man:

"It seems impossible that everybody could really be this bored"

in my clumsy script, written on my knee while crouching on 19th Street yesterday afternoon.
I don't really have much else to say, other than really, go download that 9/11 essay linked above if you've never read it or heard it. It really is an amazing piece of writing. And while I always appreciate it when an author will read their own audio books, I especially enjoy his voice, which has such a genteel quality to it.

P.S. I know the picture above is completely tasteless, but it also cracks me up. As does the Onion headline about NASCAR cancelling the rest of the season in his memory.

*As someone suggested to me the other day, if The Stand is the heavy metal of books, Infinite Jest is the Aja. I know how stupid that sounds, but it made sense in the context it was in. (Yes, I like footnotes, too).

So this GM employee discount deal... actual employees get like an extra discount, right? It's something that starts to bother me every time I see that commercial. That is all.

Buffalo Carcass, Zakouma National Park, Chad, 2007

I love National Geographic picture of the day.

Huh.

Attempt made on Ahmad Chalabi's life

hunh.

Haven't heard from him in awhile. I'm not going to wish this man any specific harm.

that's it.

Secret Weapon!!!

Does this new secret weapons program that Bob Woodward is talking about scare the crap out of anyone else?

"This is very sensitive and very top secret, but there are secret operational capabilities that have been developed by the military to locate, target and kill leaders of al-Qaida in Iraq, insurgent leaders, renegade militia leaders. That is one of the true breakthroughs," Woodward told Pelley.

"But what are we talking about here? It's some kind of surveillance? Some kind of targeted way of taking out just the people that you're looking for?" Pelley asked.

"I'd love to go through the details, but I'm not going to," Woodward replied.... "If you were an al-Qaida leader … and you knew about what they were able to do, you'd get your ass outta town."

ummm, okay. Now I'll sleep okay. Anyway, here's some speculation as to what this might be. Remember that high-powered microwave beam we were supposedly testing in Iraq a few years ago? Or was it this I was thinking of?
anyways, you ask me, I think I know what our new secret weapon is. Hordes and hordes of WHIRLING DERVISHES

James Jean

So, it may seem hard to believe, but I almost never talk about comic books with other people. Well, at the moment I hardly talk with other people to begin with, but more specifically, I don't talk about comics with other people because most of my friends don't read comic books. Come to think of it, most of my friends make fun of me for reading them. Which is fine, a hobby like that is pretty fair game. But then, so are all hobbies.
As a result of this, I don't really bring them up. I barely speak to anyone when I'm in the comic shop. I occasionally read some of the sites, or listen to a podcast, but for the most part my reading of comic books is completely insular. and I'm pretty much okay with that. I like to think it relegates my nerdiness to a covert status. Which believe me, I could use. God help me if I ever find myself in a bar with Patton Oswalt, or something.
Every once in awhile, though, and this is really rare, but every once in awhile I find myself at a party or a bar or something and some drastic and lengthy discussion of comics comes up with people who also find themselves in my boat. What usually results is a stuporous, impassioned argument over some of the stupidest topics imaginable.
Somewhat recently, though, I found myself at a bar in Portland discussing Fables. Fables, even within the comic-reading community, is a pretty divisive book. Lots of people seem to hate the book, especially those who have never read it and never plan to. I was certainly in this category for some time. Then, one day I had $12.95 or so burning a hole in my pocket and so I went out and picked up the first trade paperback, based on the sworn testimony of a podcast I listen to on occasion. It was okay. I said as much. "Keep reading it", a friend of mine emailed me when I asked him about it. "Everyone hates the first story arc, but it gets a hundred times better, I promise".
So, like a goon, I went out and bought the second trade. And to his credit, the second one got much better. And the third. And so on, and so on. In short, the book impressed the hell out of me. And this conversation I was discussing a few minutes ago, that exact same thing happened again. But that's not why I brought this up. But check out that series if you're looking for something to read.
Returning to my point though one of the more ecstatic points made in the aforementioned conversation was that Fables cover artist James Jean is probably the best artist that has ever worked in comics. And I did not dispute this. Because if you've ever seen the exterior of an issue of Fables you'd be inclined to agree*. He has employed a number of methods and techniques to cover a range of topics (and fables) in this job, all while retaining a very distinct style of his own.
It's not that I believe that comic artists aren't talented. I guess I just look at comic art as more utilitarian than say, fine art**. Which would only aid James Jean's case, considering that as a cover artist, he's not really bound by the requirement to tell a story as much as he is to paint a pretty picture. And there are regular comic artists whom I consider "fine" art. Jason Shawn Alexander. Mike Mignola. Jock. Ben Templesmith. Gene Ha (particularly in Top Ten: The Forty Niners). Jae Lee (particularly in The Dark Tower series). Sam Keith (particularly in The Maxx***. Oh shit, and Dave McKean (whose Arkham Asylum work still scares the shit out of me). Alex Maleev. David Mack. Michael Lark. John Cassaday. Alright. Well, the point is, there's a lot of them. But this post is about James Jean.
I just found out that in a few months, Jean will be leaving the series after drawing 81 covers. It's a shame, because I've grown to anticipate the covers just as much as the story. But I guess it was inevitable, with Jean's work growing in profile (gracing the cover of Giant robot last month!) and Fables showing no signs of slowing down. That said, I'll miss his cover work and I hope his art is as universally renowned as it should be. you can see every single Fables cover here.
In any case, you can buy the complete Fables covers here. Or read the book. Because I can assure you, it's totally worth reading.
Also, this is a pretty neat site for finding comic art by artist which I just cound today.

*Which is not to take anything away from interior artist Mark Buckingham, who is also quite talented.

**This is a really stupid statement coming from me, considering that one of my favorite paintings ever was drawn to serve as illustration for a children's book. Come to think of it, most of N.C. Wyeth's most famous paintings come from comissioned illustrations. So I'm a dink, and disregard everything I said. Ever.

I wish it was time for Cheers, but it's not. It's time for vengeance!

I've been thinking about the animated Maxx series, made for MTV in the mid 90s, and how gorgeous that was. It was perfectly animated, and the story actually made me go out and find the comic, and this long after my first era of reading comics and well before my second. I still remember staying up and watching that series, and Liquid Television (remember that show about the dude with the giant head? WTF?) and Space Ghost: Coast 2 Coast. you know what? Screw Adult Swim, I was pretty spoiled with animation in high school. and you know what? The Simpsons didn't even suck yet. What a blessed life I've led.
Anyway, the reason I started this footnote was because just a few weeks ago I was looking at the IMDB page for the series, because I was certain I heard the guy who played the voice of Mr. Gone in some other show. It wasn't him. How could a voice that great not be used more often? That dude should be this generation's Chris Latta or better yet, Frank Welker (The latter being the greatest voice actor EVER. Go ahead, click that link!).
I was sitting around thinking about my old Maxx VHS tape, though, and found out that the series still hasn't officially made it to DVD, which pisses me off. Anyway, just reading through the dialogue page on IMDB reminded me how great this show was:

To be first in the soil, which erupts in the coil, of trees veins and grasses all brought to a boil. Wait, it's different somehow, cause this land isn't mine, and my brain has been freed, I'm not thinking in... poetry stuff.

Man, I shoulda never thrown out all of my old VHS tapes.

Watching the Daily Show tonight (no, I don't go out anymore). and it might be that I've been watching the first season of Deadwood, but hearing Ian McShane narrate ANYTHING, makes me love that guy. Hell, I'm considering going to see Death Race just to see more of him. NICE.

Also, this show has been on point the past two weeks. and I'm usually not a giant fan. I know that Obama staffers watch that. and I hope to god they're smart enough to use some of this. Really.

Ice cream truck being pulled over on a windy woodland road. Yes, the music was still playing.

I circled around and i still couldn't get a decent picture.

I don't even know where to start on this Lieberman speech. I really, really don't.

Do you think Al Gore cringes every time he sees that guy? Do you think they still talk?
I wonder if Gore totally ignores him when they see each other at parties.